Coaching Your Own Kids

Hello Football Fans,

              This is CoachD on behalf of the California Football Coaches Association.  Today I am going to discuss coaching your own kids.

It is possible to be a parent and coach your own kids. As a matter of fact, it can be some of the most wonderful experiences with your kids you will ever spend.   When my children were starting to ask about playing T-ball and Under 6 soccer, I desperately wanted to coach them.  Not because I was an expert, I certainly wasn’t, but I knew it would be a wonderful opportunity to spend time with my kids.  But I didn’t know if it was a good idea or not.  I had heard horror stories of parents coaching their kids, but also saw relationships blossom in a coach/parent & player/child relationship. 

I decided to put it to the test.  I asked about 50 teachers/coaches in local school districts (not exactly a highly statistically significant sampling) about coaching their own children.  I always asked them if they liked it or didn’t like it, why or why not, and finally if they had to do it all over again, would they coach their own kids.  I was hoping for at least 80% of the responses to be one-way or the other.  As it turned out, it was about 50/50.  The key ingredient was it depended upon the relationship between your child and you. 

I knew that I would always be my boys’ dad, but I wouldn’t always be their coach.  Being a dad always came first; I could always coach other kids.   I decided to give it a try because I knew that I could be coach on the field, dad at home.

 I knew I could treat my boys the same as other kids and I wouldn’t favor them.  I was only worried about how other parents would treat my boys or me since they were “coaches son”.  Coaching youth sports was great because the players always had to play a minimum number of innings or periods or quarters.  I always told the parents at our pre-season meeting that my son or sons were on the team and everybody would play the same amount.  I told them that in addition to teaching all players the skills and drills necessary to succeed and enjoy the game, I would keep an accurate count of their playing time and at the end of the season, everyone would be equal.  I told them that if anyone would get short changed for amount of playing time, it would be my kids so they couldn’t complain that my son(s) got more playing time than their son(s).  If you think this is harsh, I had already explained this to my sons as a condition before accepting a coaching position and they were perfectly fine with it.  Especially when I told them that if everyone played 150 innings, they might only play 149 innings.  Or if everyone played 50 quarters, then they might only play 49 quarters.  My boys understood that I was trying to get everyone a lot of playing time and I was not worried about win at all costs – which they appreciated.  A couple of times, my boys asked me to put someone else in (giving up their own rotation to their teammate) because the other player hadn’t played much that day.  I thought it was pretty cool.

Why do you want to coach?

I have been around sports most of my life, as a player and coach.  I have seen lots of coaches who were out there for different reasons: 

1. Some are motivated to help out wherever needed: coach, maintenance, equipment, snack bar, team mom, etc…. 

2. Yet others want to help coach because they have knowledge and experience to offer and want to make sure their child gets good coaching. 

3. Other parents need to re-live their youth or high school sports experience through their child because of some unfulfilled fantasy.  A few years ago I had an assistant coach who just couldn’t wait to be on the “scout” team and dominate a bunch of 11 year olds – not really classy. 

4. And finally, some parents coach just to make sure their child gets as much playing time as possible.  If you are seeking to coach for the last two reasons, don’t even consider coaching. 

Are you qualified to coach this sport?

     First off, you have to love being around kids and teaching them, understanding and relating to them.  If you want to be the Head Coach, you also need to be able to be organized with practice plans and paperwork and schedules.  If this isn’t you, forget it.  If you want to be the Assistant Coach, then you must be willing to follow whatever the Head Coach asks of you. If you have basic knowledge and skills, this will probably be sufficient to coach the younger athletes.  But with the older athletes, you will need some specific knowledge and experience.  There are lots of books, videos’s, dvd’s and clinics on the sport.  Education is a never-ending process.  I am afraid to say that the more materials I buy and the more clinics I attend, the more I realize and don’t know as much as I thought I did.  I make it a point to pick up at least one book or dvd at every clinic I attend (I like clinics, so I attend 2-3 per year).  Last weekend I bought 2 dvd’s at a clinic.  I always pick up numerous tips to help me each year, usually too many great ideas to implement in one season.  My wife tells me I have more of our money invested in coaching books & DVD’s than some small countries have in their Gross Domestic Products.   Ooooh, that hurts.

Special Tips on Coaching your own Kids

·       Treat them just like everyone else.

·       Don’t offer more help to them

·       During the drive home after practice or the game, remember you are the parent.

·       Don’t dominate dinnertime with sports talk.

·       Give equal time to your other kids who aren’t playing for you yet.

·       Don’t compare your athletic achievements with your child’s.

·       There is a time to be coach and a time to be a parent, make it clear.

·       You want to always be able to look back on the experience and have both of you remember how much fun it was.

In my next blog, I will be talking about effective communication and feedback to your football players. 

As always, please let me know what you think about this and any other article.  You can contact me at: coachd@calfootballcoaches.com.